To Hell & Back- Part 2- Coming out of the pit

Well, I found out you can learn a lot at the bottom. I really can't figure out a way to say all of this without sounding so "cliche", but honestly, that is the best thing about it- all those Christian cliches that you just say w/o meaning it or that you know in your head but have so much guilt about not feeling in your heart are so real to me now. It's like I finally know what they mean experientially.

Anyway, here I was at the bottom. And I think the thing I learned there was that I was a sinner. OK, I always "knew" that before. You can't really be a Christian w/o knowing that, right? But I honestly never really felt the weight of my sin before. I had known guilt, but not like this. I had never really felt like I deserved Hell before. In fact, I knew this was a problem in my life (not ever having felt the weight of my sin) and had prayed about it from time to time- that God would show me. In case you're as dumb as I, don't ever pray that. :) I was finally sorry, really sorry, for my sin, not just the one I was currently worried about but every sin I had ever done. I knew that people in Hell are rehashing and reliving ever sin they ever comitted, over and over again. If they didn't feel the weight of it then, they do now. I kind of did a miniature version of that. I knew that I was not a loving person. And I also realized it was all up to God. He could, at that point, do whatever He wanted, save me  or not save me. I was COMPLETELY at his mercy, like a slave who's been sentenced to death but makes one last appeal to the judge to reconsider. That's how I felt, like I didn't know what he would say, but I did know I had already done all I knew to do to fix it and none of it worked. There was nothing left for me to try. Oh, what a glorious place to come to.

As I continued to research, I was astounded at the number of famous & influential Christians who had struggled with this same exact thing- John Bunyan, William Cowper, even Martin Luther. I wish I had saved it, but I read a quote from Martin Luther that really turned things around for me. I will try to paraphrase. He said that when you're at your lowest and really seeing the reality of your sin and that you are without all hope in yourself to bring a remedy, that that's when you're the closest to grace. He said he never knew how close the bottom of the pit is to grace. Well, I know it now. You can never experience the grace of God until you have seen the weight of your sin and your inability to fix it. "People who are blind to their sin don't love grace." -Paul David Tripp. "He who has been forgiven much loves much." 

God didn't let me stay there long. As soon as I reached that necessary bottom, He reached right in and started picking me up. I started to hear little whispers of His love. I knew that He knew that I was sorry. I clung to the promise, "Whoever comes to me, I will never cast out." Jn 6 What I came to know and love was the gospel, the pure and simple gospel. It's like I relived the salvation experience. (Not that I got save again but that I now knew what it was all about.) If you're reading this & wondering what salvation is, I think it's coming to the end yourself. Seeing that there is nothing you can do to take care of your sins or make yourself acceptable to God. And then turning to the right solution for that problem, the work of grace of Jesus Christ on the cross.

Part 3.