To Hell & Back- Part 3- Recovering

Physical recovery- I took a trip to a Christian nutritionist my mom knew about. He put me on a few natural calming supplements that really helped. (Gaba, organically bound minerals, & valerian root, if you're interested.) He also suggested we do some acupuncture. I never really knew what I thought about that, but at this point, I was ready to try anything! It actually did work. He just hit some calming points. All of this helped, but it wasn't a complete fix of course. Another thing that helped was walking every day to get the jitters out.

Help from friends- One thing that really helped was realizing that I was the ONLY one that thought this could even possibly be true- that I was lost with no hope of salvation. It's easy to blow off a few friends who will just say things to be nice, but if everyone says it, hmmm... maybe you're the crazy one. haha! This helped my logical brain some to realize this. So I thought of the most honest, theologically sound, and yet loving person I could think of. My 10th grade teacher came to mind. I called her up, and we met for lunch. The reason I chose her was bc she spent that 10th grade year pounding into us that there are so many people who call themselves Christians who are not. Conversions have been watered down & streamlined, and people are being fooled. She would never tell someone that they were saved bc they prayed a prayer or walked an aisle. There has to be a change (not to save you, but as a RESULT of being saved). She really helped me look at Scripture and the life of her own daughter who struggles with the exact same things. She actually told me toward the end, "If you're not saved, then I'm probably not saved. I've told God I hated him before." This really helped to hear it from someone like her who doesn't take these issues lightly.

Spiritual Healing- I couldn't really pray during this time, but one thing I knew I needed was to be able to worship. I played worship music constantly. (Demons also cannot stand this, so I think it helped in that regard as well.) One major turnaround happened as I was listening to "Jubilee" my Michael Card in my car on the way home. "The Lord appointed for a time for the slaves to be set free. For their debts to all be canceled so His chosen ones could see. His deep desire was for forgiveness, He longed to see their liberty." Then it says, "Jesus is our Jubilee." I just started crying at the joy and beauty of it, the joy & beauty of Jesus and what He did for us. I didn't even know at that point if He did it for me, but I was thinking about my husband and my brother. I knew He did it for them, and I was just so thankful for that. Even that he would save one person was beautiful to me. I knew at that point that that was the Holy Spirit in me showing me that. You can't see the beauty of Jesus w/o the help of the H.S. "no one can say, 'Jesus is Lord,' except by the Holy Spirit." 1 Cor 12:3. (see also Matt 16:16-17)

Another point came as I was watching a preacher on TV, Joseph Prince. He is an "extreme grace" preacher. He just kept saying over and over in this sermon, "You are forgiven. Your sins are forgiven." About the 10th time he said it :) I just heard God saying it to me. (BTW, if you've ever struggled w/ anything like this or legalism or a lot of guilt, I HIGHLY recommend watching Joseph Prince. I don't agree with all of his theology on smaller things, but his view of the gospel, unmerited grace, & the centrality of Jesus is right on! He comes on Daystar and TBN almost every day. The program is also called "Destined to Reign". He has helped me tremendously to overcome my guilt & accept God's love for me.)


I continued to research and question, and, to be honest, I still do not have a concrete answer to what was meant by that passage. I just know that I have the peace of God now.  


The final "Part 4".